English 2 and 3
"...reading stories which you didn't read the first time, which could be all of them for some of you." - Nelson
"She has a mustache." - Dustin "Only in your book." - Nelson
"Nobody punched me, I had the door hit me in the face."
"My mom hates C's, but I don't mind 'em." - Jackson
"His life's in shambles. Thus he heats a cigarette." - Nelson
"I was like, 'What? It's been a long day, but that does not sound right.'"
"You look like the grey KKK. The KKK for the grey people."
"Why don't you cry about it? Get it? Wine?"
"Logan, that's sick. It's, like, raunchy."
"My grandma. She got glamor shots and then gave them to us."
"I don't think you're supposed to be eating that. It's for your finger, it's not a snack."
"Did you know you forgot to put tomatoes on my Taste of Downs Friday?"
"Some of the stories are pretty scary. I'm going to be honest." - Nelson "Do we have to read them?" "Yes." - Nelson
"She's a klepto, a complete klepto."
"If I look out my window, I see a big pile of flaming poo... Fisher, I want to just put you on a little turd and push you around." - Georgi
"What's ironic about that? Yeah, he's a dirtbag."
"Obviously Fitzgerald thought about moving Nick there. Otherwise there wouldn't have been a book." - Nelson
"Clarinet, Matt, kind of rhymes." "Not at all. That's horrible." - Georgi
"What are some inventions or people that we don't appreciate enough?" - Nelson "Casimir Pulaski Day."
"Some lady stuck in the tunnels beneath the White House... I don't know, Hilary Clinton."
"I wasn't worried about the money, but I lost 15 minutes of my life on that." - Nelson
"Lord Byron was like the daddy mac of all macs in his day... kind of like Dustin... chicks love him, but he is bad mother." - Student Teacher
"They're little bunnies... they were somewhere in the house... we used a vacuum to catch them."
"We had to put it to sleep because it was peein' on people."
"We used to walk it, drag it, whatever you call it... she ate a bunch of bad barley and couldn't poop and she exploded... she was mildly retarded and couldn't poop and kept eating."
"Do we have fire alarm in this room?" "I don't know, I don't really care right now, my face is frozen."
"Bull crap, there's no good story that's 15 pages long."
"She came in on a broomstick." "Was it a Nimbus 2000?"
"Harry Caray would probably come back from the dead... Harry Caray and Jesus... I can't imagine what would happen if the Cubs were to win a World Series." - Student Teaher
"We're not playing Frogger, we're writing poetry." - Student Teacher
"Was it Pokémon Silver Edition?... 'cause I beat Pokémon in this class." - Logan
"You and your squirrel coat, be quiet." - Student Teacher
"As long as I don't go to bed, it's still that day."
"We're making a new telescope like in 2012 to go up, that's another billions." - Student Teacher
"There is no p in 'Sumter.'" "That's how it was in the notes."
"If you touch me, oh my God, I swear." "What do you swear?"
"Henderson, this tastes like grape." - Shelbi "Okay, I'm not going to taste anything that you have in a pen. That's just weird." - Student Teacher
"It's, like, extremely warm in there."
"Get out of here. Oh, yeah, that's good, take my daughter's cactus." - Nelson
"This movie sucks." - Logan "You suck. Bowling shoes boy." - Student Teacher
"It's only 'cause I love you... the elbow of love." "Quite being stupid and leave her alone. I hope she slaps you." - Student Teacher
"We'll have a Huck party. You guys can roll up your pants and stuff." - Student Teacher
"Wait, does Huck have a belly button? He could have been a test tube baby."
"Talking about Twain literature and you bring up Richie Rich." - Nelson
"Jim's going to keep a journal. Even though he can't write. This all makes perfect sense, though." - Nelson
"Eating sawdust would be good. Eating sawdust and crapping two-by-fours." - Nelson
"Nothin' says lovin' like a family reunion down there." - Nelson
"That was a good five." "Yeah... compared to some of ours." "Yeah, we've had a few rough ones."
"What?" "The condiment... what? Shut up, turn around. I'm not telling you."
"'Jim, Jim!' Jim's gone." - Nelson
"They got drunk and pass out and that settles everything. That's the best way to settle anything." - Nelson
"Do you write it for like a midget to read or something?"
"That's like the first time in your life you've given a pen back to me."
"Yeah, Jeff, where's your pizza?" "I forgot." - Jeff "I expected pizza at 9:30 in the morning."
"Logan, where's your brownies?"
"I'm a good worker. I read all the SparkNotes."
"But I drank it when it was legal. That's different."
"You gotta get it ghetto-ized?"
"I'd kill myself before I read The Scarlet Letter again." "Maybe somebody would help you."
"Writing is fun." - Nelson "No it's not." "Shut up, you're ruining it." - Nelson
"Totally not being gay. In a gay way."
"You wearing a woman's coat is inappropriate." - Nelson "It was in the men's section." - Dustin
"It's like the Matrix. How many words can you fit on there?"
"You're a jerk." - Dustin "Yeah, well you're a jerk for selling him back into slavery." - Student Teacher
"How do they know that that's how they do it in Hookerville?" "I don't know, I think they might catch lots of things between their legs."
"Whatever. I can see the caliber of people we're working with here."
"You get a quiz for going to the bathroom." "Basically."
"That does not mean I'm a racist. That just means it was the only word..."
"It's not about you, but it's pretty funny."
"Doesn't that piss you off, when stuff randomly turns into picnics?"
"You don't have to write a book [on your quiz]. We're readin' it, not writin' it."
"Jackson. What are you doing?" - Student Teacher "He's looking out the window." "Focus!" - Student Teacher
"I think this would be too much hair."
"She's always telling him about Heaven and crap and he doesn't care."
"Paris Hilton pisses me off, she doesn't do crap." - Jeff
"No, everything that you write has to be written at the same time you write it."
"What was it for?" "Eating a cookie in the IMC... that's what you get for being a football player." - Maffett "You get cookies for being a football player?"
"Why does the hallway smell like crap?"
"He said the K-word." - Shelbi "Shelbi, you spell it with a C." "He said the C-word." - Shelbi
"That was the answer on Nelson's key. I don't understand [why it's wrong]." - Student Teacher
"Are they graded?" "Most of them. They're terrible." - Student Teacher "Sweet."
"What's the problem, gentlemen? What's in the water?... you can wait 'til Spanish class to be jackasses." - Student Teacher
"Oh, I've got a big star right over there. It's only out during the day."
"Aw, Jesus, don't be smart." - Student Teacher
"Did you know the gross national product of Mexico is roughly equal to Downs? I just made that up."
"When you get your ACT scores back, make sure you tell me... I need to know these things." - Nelson
"Flying spaghetti monsters."
"Can I have a Whopper with double cheese and no pickles? [wink, wink]"
"I had it done." "Yeah, well you wrote 'Henderson is gay,' so you're out of luck." - Student Teacher
"Fine, I'll be looking at Joy's every day. I'll be reading the whole thing. To the class." - Nelson
"Indecent exposure." "311?" - Student Teacher "I was talking about something that Jeff did."
"Who's the narrator?" - Nelson "The jumping frog." "That's the title." - Nelson "Calaveras County." "That's the setting." - Nelson
"Mace Windu's gay, that's why he has a purple one." "No, it's because he's a bad motherf'er... 'Do you want a green one or a blue one?' 'I want a purple one.'" - Student Teacher
"Once everyone's quiet I'll turn the quiz on."
"Uh, 'Bird Came Down The Walk.' Anyone want to say what happens in that? It's pretty clear." - Nelson
"I'd rather be a snake than a sock."
"There won't even be an Earth in 50 to 75 years."
"Oh, yeah, I was watching the..." - Dustin "Shut up! Dustin!" - Student
"It was like rugby and everything and then it turned into porn."
"I'm not even trying anymore at school... I quit, Matt." - Georgi
"Philosiphizer. Good way to put it."
"Did they call you 'cracker'?" "Were you on the team just to boost the GPA?"
"What would you name your slave?" "That's a ridiculous question that has no relevance to anything... we're a slave to corporate America." - Student Teacher
"Just sometimes the 'like' word goes in everywhere." - Student Teacher
"Mel Gibson's a terrible example."
"You wrote 'the suffrage is now'..." - Student Teacher
"Slavery is the suffrage of slaves."
"Go to your room, south." - Dustin
"What genre would this be considered?" - Student Teacher "Civil War crap."
"Where is this word, the 'requiem'?" - Jeff "It's in the title, knucklehead!" - Student Teacher
"That guy is definitely not black." "How can you tell? The picture's in black and white." "Exactly!"
"We're the fact." "No, you're the delusion. Your whole world is clouded." - Nelson
"What are they?" "They're audaciously... audaciously wise... and witty."
"It's a requiem because it lets people know about those people and those kind of things." - Nelson
"No, kinda, yes, people are going to die." - Student Teacher
"What can't she do?" "She can't turn left."
"The United States is so much bigger than any other country."
"Lincoln's a dictator." - Dustin "Lincoln... oh, God... you might as well keep your mouth shut totally." - Student Teacher
"I'm saying Moby Dick is right up there with One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish in American Literature." - Jeff
"They were called China Men, and they were illegal to kill." - Dustin "I already told you you're done talking. What happened?" - Student Teacher
"That's scary that you're a junior in high school and aren't capitalizing 'Boston.'" - Nelson
"I would guess that zero have ever said they've been killed by a stingray." - Nelson
"He'll come back and say he didn't mean to quit." - Nelson
"I think I said no. I'm not sure why you're still talking to me." - Nelson
"I just got bit by a spider. I hope it's nuclear so I can shoot webs." - Nelson
"Let me try to read announcements before my forehead swells." - Nelson
"Oh, you've never done anything wrong, like eat Skittles the entire period." - Nelson
"Passing out papers is going to take 35 days... that's ridiculous; 35 days..." - Nelson
"A perfect 10 out of 36. Super." - Nelson
"Will you take the stuff and put it on my desk, please? I need to go attack some people."
"A little shout out to Maple over here with a little Halloweener action." - Nelson
"You remember Merlyn?" - Nelson "Oh, yeah, the muffler?"
"Fisher, there's going to be another hairball down there if you don't be quiet." - Nelson
"That's not Boo Radley, that's Chewbacca. Real funny. Real funny joke... The alternate ending is, Boo kills everyone in Maycomb... Boo ate the entire city." - Nelson
"You mean that illegal message that you sent me during the school day?... That one?"
"I'll be the Simon Cowell of the slam dunk contest... 'That was only a 360, can't you do more?'" - Nelson
"They were autographed." "By Huck Finn?"
"Is that a hearing impaired room over there?" - Nelson
"You'll lose brain cells just by touching him. [sucking sound]" - Nelson
"I don't think there's racism in the hood, because they've got those signs."
"If you would make the same comment in a class in Bloomington and you would get the crap kicked out of you." - Nelson
"My dad made us do like 8 fourth quarters."
"It's on at 10:30." "Yeah, that's way past my bedtime. I've already been asleep for an hour and a half by then."
"...died at four years old from AIDS." - Nelson "Like medical AIDS?" "As opposed to?... teachers AIDS... quiet, now that we got that clarified." - Nelson
"Dustin, there's no trophies for the guy on the razor scooter... closest thing I can find is a wheelchair." - Nelson
"Our fun is the educational process. That's fun." - Nelson
"It could be... it could be the alien in my stomach... a baby in April and an alien in June... we only have three bedrooms, I don't know where we'll put the alien." - Nelson
"I promise I'm going to give it back." "No you won't. Don't give me that crap." - Erin
"It's in Julius Caesar 2." - Nelson
"We discussed this in the car, remember?"
"He didn't know there was multiple tapes."
"I had an English teacher that was a real hag... the worst part of it was that it was my mom."
"We're telling. You're a delinquent Key Club member."
"In our imaginary point system that's a solid three." - Nelson
"I just asked you if you were having a good day; you decided to do it."
"Lip gloss is scrumptulescent."
"You can't buy anything with braces."
"No, that's diesel, we'll have to wait for the next station." - Nelson
"It wasn't very Globey."
"You crossdress, so it wouldn't make any difference." - Nelson "What? Oh, have you seen that video?" - Dustin
"'What did you do before this big championship?' I watched Clifford live." - Nelson
"We have a tape again and it is sweet." - Nelson
"Actually it's the flower that I grew in ag class." - Dustin "Oh sure, sure, looked like a snotty rag." - Nelson
"Any special gifts for 2005?" - Nelson "I got some." - Dustin "I don't want to hear about your boxers." - Nelson "They say 'naughty' on them." - Dustin
"I'm going to lock myself in the basement now... It's entitled 'Manville' and we keep it really cold so the females can't go down there." - Nelson
"She wants to name her Cletus... she can explain that to her sister later in life." - Nelson
"Thanks for volunteering, that's super... who wants to be Jeff's wife? I knew the hands would go up." - Nelson
"Ha ha, look at her picture." "She's 78, how's she supposed to look?" - Nelson "She has nice legs."
"One-oh-seven, not one-ooh-seven... work with me Dustin!" - Nelson
"Two operations, 'Two opportunities for cancer'..." - Nelson
"'Oh yes, those damn winds!'" "'Damnable,' you goofball." - Nelson
"You are Tom, T-o-m, tooriffic." - Nelson
"It's like Lewis that one time; can I tell you a story?"
"Dustin, take your hood off." - Nelson "But I'm a gangsta." - Dustin
"Big family games of PigMania." - Nelson
"I keep hearing that, does anyone else hear it?"
"Get back in there, back in the concrete mixer you go... PigMania using a concrete mixer and real pigs." - Nelson
"Are those smiley faces? Oh, they're arrows."
"It calms 'em down when they're upside down."
"Bash, right into the concrete blocks." - Nelson
"Did you make this last night or something?" "No... tough crowd today, tough crowd." - Nelson
"Mr. Nelson, is this book on tape?"
"Because when you talk on the Internet you use the sideways smiley faces." - Nelson "Oh that's nice, they're so happy."
"Cody, I fit in the hood. I shut myself in the hood."
"I was up to like midnight. Then I just gave up. I didn't even do my works cited."
"I'll give 'em to you but only if I can throw 'em at Fox." - Schnides "That's good. 'Tis the season." - Nelson
"It's the iceberg's fault man, I think we should bomb the iceberg."
"I only lost two brain cells on that comment, usually it's three or four." - Nelson
"It could have been Osama bin Squirrel." - Dustin "Do you think before you open your mouth?... That was stupid." - Nelson
"You killed it in the driver's ed car?... boy that's a good advertisement for our school." - Nelson
"What's this gangster talk here? 'Sup, New Mexico' here." - Nelson
"I was like, 'Ok,' but really I was like pooping myself." - Nelson
"I ruined my pants because I pooped them." - Nelson
"The whole part of coming face to face with the concrete was not a good feeling." - Nelson
"We're heading down and about the fourth stair something goes wrong... I was out cold." - Nelson
"I looked death in the eye... I decided to purchase a pair of roller blades... sophomore year in college." - Nelson
"I couldn't stop and my leg got stuck in the fence." - Nelson
"I decided it was a good idea to take this hill head-on... I have no idea how to stop... there's a car coming in front of me... I decided it would be a good idea to dive for the curb." - Nelson
"Not a good experience, and it's all because of females." - Nelson
"Just go 100 feet up [the mountain] and shoot 'em." "Dustin, we're going to start a business."
"No, we'll just untie the safety rope."
"I think they shouldn't be allowed because they're gonna die." "That was like a first grade answer." - Nelson
"I don't think the gas was a problem." "Yeah, who needs oxygen at 29,000 feet?... I think oxygen is overrated."
"You're killing your own brain cells, would you stop it?... you're down to 18 right now." - Nelson
"My parents thought it would be a good idea to go to Tijuana, Mexico... we open the door and knock over like fifty hispanic children... it's like a mall but they're metal sheds... and so he had his whole entire arm in there stirring the lemonade... it was really a donkey that was painted with black and white stripes... the kid didn't even work there, he just took our money and took off... so my dad took the belt... I was scared, Lewis, I was scared for my life... I was like attached to his leg the whole trip." - Nelson
"That's a good idea, try to get a gun case on an airplane with a Buckwheat poster in it." - Nelson
"My mom bought me a Peter Pan knife." - Logan "Very nice, in depth conversation you're having." - Mouser
"I had to ride a donkey named Stinky, and they were all riding those majestic, beautiful, mystique horses." - Logan
"Just because he wears a skirt does that give him the right to have a baby?" - Nelson
"I want to be the king of the world and black people should be better at sports." "Ok now we have a sexist and a racist."
"No gang violence. We have that problem in Downs." "The west side [of Downs] is terrible."
"That was a moo. Moo!"
"No, Winterland, I don't want to hear any more spelling stories... I'm about to slice my wrist." - Nelson
"Get out your novels." - Nelson "I sold mine for drugs." - Georgi
"Get your foot down, this isn't a country club." - Nelson
"His l's and g's look exactly like Logan's."
"I'm sensitive." "I believe that."
"I have a tickle in my throat." "I think it's a hairball."
"I'm guessing Barry would have... put him up for adoption." - Nelson
"This one chick got really fat and then a baby popped out."
"I went to write down my notes, and my pink pen was black... I've got a purple pen now."
"We shot about three packs at 'em." - Dustin
"We were shooting bottle rockets at little kids riding their bikes by..." - Dustin